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Cast Offs Pick one:
All about me:
Character?
Russ Wheeler, landlord of the Hamilton Arms.
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
The first time I donned the grease paint was at middle school where
I played the caretaker (!) in 'Robin Hood the Musical'. Wearing a potato
sack and pushing a broom I swept on the stage to open the show before being
relegated to the second row of the choir.
A little later at school I showed my true colours as a proto (please
delete) Kenny Brannagh/ pain in the arse megalomaniac.I barged my
way into someones idea and took over directing the epic 'Fanny Craddock
from Outer Space' before writing, directing and starring in the imaginatively
titled superior sequel 'Return of Fanny Craddock from Outer Space'. My
memory is hazy in terms of the plot, suffice to say that I was rewarded
with a scene stealing part as a Russian spy with a warped Ronnie Barker-esque
stutter ("Pass me the ber b ber b ber...gun!")
In a blessed relief for the viewing public any treading the
boards went to ground before re-emerging at the fag end of my sculpture
course as a miserablist live artist. A subsequent career as a street
performer and musician eventually led me up the garden path to Hanover
Square.
Are you anything like your character?
How dare you imply that in real life I am constantly harassed by
a foul mouthed over bearing mother. OK, so my mum plays my mum and is sort
of type cast. Stick that in your pipe Sigmund! Seriously folks as the writer
I guess that there's a little bit of me in all of the characters. Though what
I share in common with a vegetarian lesbian separatist and conjoined
twin is leaving me slightly flummoxed.
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series 2?
Kylie Minogue once again visits Brighton, pops into the pub, falls
in love whisks Russ away. Failing that, Sally the barmaid from the Leper's
Arms puts out. Though I can guarantee neither will happen!
If you were written out what would be your exit?
Dirty pipes, a bad pint, dodgy guts, rush to the toilet never to return.
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
Ideally, with my good looks and hair colouring George Clooney, though
unfortunately the girlfriend helpfully suggested Pip Schofield. I'd rather
have Gordon the Gopher.
New to the neighbourhood:
Borrow a cup of sugar from?
Sally from the Leper's Arms.
Don't answer the door to?
My mother Vi Wheeler. Though I'd have to lock her out first.
Spend a fiver in?
The Hamilton Arms of course. On Violet's night off.
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
Most recently, Early Doors
Favourite soap?
OK, I admit it: Neighbours.
The missing link:
My other projects include: www.maphead.org.uk and www.spiritofgravity.com
All about me:
Character?
Raynard Fox, fabulous entrepreneur.
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
Unfortunately I have with my first true love Jackie Brown. We were
both sweet 16 at the time. We joined a am-dram company in Richmond, which
was where I was dragged-up. We were in three productions: 'The
Boyfriend', 'Under Milk Wood' and something else that was totally unmemorable.
I can safely say I was quite awful in all three productions. This may not
be that surprising after my efforts in Hanover Square!
Are you anything like your character?
I was asked to play the part by Nick and Claudia because
they thought I was just like him. Please God am I really that
camp?! (Yes- Ed) I thought of myself as a cool sophisticated queen
- the Jackie Brown thing was something I had to go through. I didn't
think of myself as a raging megalomaniac poof with borderline personality
issues.
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series 2?
I think the best thing all round would be for Raynard to slip and fall
onto a very sharp long nail which lobotomises him, subsequently turning
him into a gentle loving creature. Which of cause he is. It is his co-dependant
business partner and ex boyfriend David Mullover that makes Raynard
such a bitch. As for the real future of the character, I'm quite sure the
writers will think up something really evil.
If you were written out what would be your exit?
Suffocation through muff diving. It would be Raynard's fate to wake up
finding a 22 stone female wrestler who has taken a fancy to him, sitting
astride his face unaware that she is killing the one she truly loves. Or
it could even be Violet doing it, to kill off the competition.
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
I would love to say Brad Pitt but knowing my luck I'd get some naff actor
who really can't act but looks good - a bit like me really. Or on reflection
as long as he looks good - not like me - maybe wouldn't be so bad.
New to the neighbourhood:
Borrow a cup of sugar from?
Violet. Raynard would have to. She's the only really decent sparing
partner.
Don't answer the door to?
David Mullover. He deserves to be locked out, unless of course he gets
out his vast codger which attracted Raynard to him in the first place.
Spend a fiver in?
Firstly, Raynard would not be paying. He would get some else to do that.
Secondly, if it was only going to be a fiver, Raynard wouldn't even role
over in bed, let alone get up for it.
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
Dinner Ladies by Victoria Woods
Favourite soap?
In this I may be like Raynard, I think they are great, but for other
people.
Character?
Announcer.
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
Many many times. From being in dreadful school pantomimes to playing Daleks
(amongst other assorted monsters/characters) in the Big Finish Dr Who plays
on CD to my first run in an Edinburgh Fringe play, it would be fair to say
that I've trod the boards, trodden on the screen, and tripped over the microphone.
Are you anything like your character?
I portray the difficult role of the announcer. To get into practise I would
read out in stentorian tones my shopping list whilst in the checkout queue
at Tesco, thus improving my projection, vocal range, and customer satisfaction.
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series 2?
I feel that the role of announcer could be expanded, so that if a character
wanders into a train station, he might hear my cultured tones announcing the
arrival of the next train, or in a dramatic scene, the cancelling of it. Also
characters travelling in lifts would have their experience enhanced by a smooth
voice telling them what floor they were on, or indeed, whether the doors were
opening or closing. Or I could become a character that gets caught in a lift,
with hilarious consequences as I spend an entire episode talking to myself
until the emergency services turn up
If you were written out what would be your exit?
"Sadly that's the last episode of Hanover Square"...
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
Alec Baldwin, or some unknown actor who would go onto international fame
and fortune as a result of playing me, leaving me bitter and twisted years
later in an old folks home.
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
The one I'm trying to get commissioned...
Favourite soap?
I don't watch 'em.
The missing link:
Stuff I'm working on...
Stuff I have worked on...
Character?
Adam Dwerger
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
Only did acting at school and in the Boy Scouts, where oddly I always
ended up in drag as Mary Queen of Scots or the virgin Mary. This has always
followed me over the years and has ended up with me being called 'Gloria' in
certain circles in honour of the wonderful Melvyn Hayes. Really wanted
to do drama post school but had to leave at 16 and go to work.
However dresses never suited me and the 'radio' showed off my
better side.
My job involves me standing up in front of groups of people daily and this
can be a little like acting, especially when I have to repeat material, which
results in a strange feeling of deja-vu. Audiences are always looking
for entertainment, and I often trip up, getting my words wrong or jumping off
chairs to meet their needs.
My most successful stage performance was in a Blind Date type show
at the Sanctuary Cafe in Hove (actually). I was wearing a jacket made out of
superman curtains, had an odd bob haircut, red boots and white jeans.
The lucky woman who picked me had pink hair and was probably upset as the other
guys were tall and handsome. However, although nothing came of 'winning', I
ended up meeting a beautiful woman in the audience who has since become my
good lady wife in real life and in Hanover Square.
Are you anything like your character?
Like Ads I want a bit of the quiet life, but like my character I am always
being bothered into helping out, which has resulted in me being easily persuaded
to join different committees and organisations. Like Ads I am very laid
back, but if I were to lose my rag, I would certainly lose it like
Ads does when he is stuck on the roof after helping Sid and Nancy.
Apparently, although not mentioned in the soap yet my character supports
QPR. Being an Albion season ticket holder I know that their stripes are foolishly
the wrong way around.
I like a bit of time to myself to ponder about things that need doing, but
never do them. Ads is brave trying to write a novel. I would do better
looking after the baby.
I suffer hangovers and moan more about them than Ads, though perhaps I'm not so spectacular drunk. All about me:
Character?
Lauren Pallas
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
With no experience in the acting biz at all, I have spent the past **cough
cough** years in Brighton studying and working alongside a helluva
lot of playing.
Am gutted that I never got a part in Nick's Fanny Craddock from Outer
Space (never too late for another sequel by the way).
Are you anything like your character?
I got under Laurens’s skin by acknowledging my own inner
artiste and empowered woman-sister-earth chick self. That and a gentle
nod to Lauren’s own dislike of the public’s acquiescence to images
of women portrayed in a male dominated media.
I believe that we both share a life mission of being hell bent and
intent on capturing the moment. And like the current creative conjure of
Ms Pallas' imagination, I consider myself to be a Work in Progress.
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series 2?
Lauren gets inspired by the conjoined sisters imaginative concoctions with
Mr Morrisey the Butcher's stock. Lauren then turns James' Nintendo
into a pooper scooper-esque device for naval-gazing undergrads, as part of
her final year degree show, entitling the piece "Ninten Do-do"
James is so confused by the sudden disappearance of his entertainment device,
that he turns to Antonia, the local Vicar for consolation.
News of Lauren's comparison of a capitalist society icon to useless
waste matter will invariably lead onto interest from Charles Saatchi. Lauren
will publicly laugh in the face of his £120,000 bidding price, wearing
a T-shirt with the words "Caatchi this Saatchi" printed on the
front, with an arrow pointing to her Fanny Craddock.
He then triples his original asking price and offers her space at the MOMA,
NYC. 1 week later, Harry receives an anonymous postcard from Bora Bora.
If you were written out what would be your exit?
Meeting an untimely demise with a wide shaft....(er, um, falling down an
elevator shaft of course) - an ironic way to go as her last Art show denoted
the ongoing struggle between Man and Machine.
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
Eva Mendes on the good days. Peter Sellers on the even better
days. Apu from The Simpsons on the other days - of which there are many.
New to the neighbourhood:
Borrow a cup of sugar from?
Nancy - last of the true legends, darling.
Don't answer the door to?
Ken. Yawn.
Spend a fiver in?
The newsagents. Just need to avoid Ken whilst buying the Rizla
for James...
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
Can't decide on just 1, so: The Mighty Boosh, Seinfeld, Curb your Enthusiasm, M*A*S*H*,
Scrubs and the unparalleled charms of The Good Life & Moonlighting
Favourite soap?
The fresh stuff you can get from Lush - just keep it in the Fridge.
The missing link:
A dedicated shailja site to follow.
All about me:
Character?
Felicity Faucet
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
I was very shocked to be given the role of the poor love who had to impossibly
spin straw into gold in Rumpelstiltskin. I think her name was Ethel. It
offered me, and everyone else, the dubious pleasure of a solo, a couple of
duets and lots of lines. Three things stand out in my memory. Firstly,
the prince was played by a very uncool boy in the year below. I can remember
being completely mortified as he had to put his arm around me as we exited
the stage following our marriage. Every time I just crumpled inside with
all encompassing embarrassment.
Secondly, my "wedding dress" was made out of white man-made satiny
stuff and I had peach crepe paper flowers on my hair and round my neck
for some reason best known to the "wardrobe dept".
Lastly and Oh so not leastly, one of the guards left his staff propped up
against a fire extinguisher. This was during a matinee given to the local old
peoples home....the lucky bastards. Anyway, waiting in the wings to come
on to do our bows someone tripped over the staff, the fire extinguisher fell
off the wall and started spraying water everywhere. Those things are hard
to get under control. We were soaked. Needless to say my dress went
completely see-through as it clung tightly to my body.....cheap peach dye running
down it... it was never the same.
Secondary school offered several walk on (and in one case swim on) parts
and mainly singing in the choir. Nicholas Nickleby and "In the Sea".
O' level drama and CSE dance came later but didn't improve or further my
skills.
Are you anything like your character?
I'd like to think that I would marry more sensibly than Felicity...oh, no,
I didn't. We share shocking taste in men clearly. Hey ho, we both made our
beds. Sadly, Ken is still in hers.
I love Felicity, her warmth and patience beyond any marriage vows, but I
don't see much of myself in her, God forbid I would ever set foot outside my
front door without tending to my underarm hair.
Yeah, I enjoy white wine and if it hadn't been for rather too much of it
one night this whole thing would never have happened.
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series 2?
Throw off the shackles? Ditch Ken? Ditch the newsagents? Fly free? Where
would I be without Kens throbbing put downs? I love the two of them together,
it would be a shame to split this deeply damaged, flawed, ugly union. After
all, marriage is for life not just for Christmas.
Psycho-surgery for Ken? Performed by Felicity? No, leave them both
be for the moment, I DEMAND IT! (But as co-creator know that this won't
happen.....any chance we could revisit the story board?!)
If you were written out what would be your exit?
In a flash of mismatched underwear and hairy armpits I'd have a glass of
Pinot in one hand and Ken's bollocks in the other. (Ooh, there's a twist,
hopefully- Ed)
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
Champion the Wonder Horse. No, a young Robert Redford or Karen from Will
and Grace, yes, her, whatever in hell her name is.
New to the neighbourhood:
Borrow a cup of sugar from?
Eva of course (it would be too brazen to ask James...he wouldn't have any
anyway...not that that's the point...no, I couldn't, I'd blush), Eva definitely.
Don't answer the door to?
My door is always open. Ken has a key
Spend a fiver in?
Anywhere but the newsagents. Hang on, it's the only place in Hanover Square
that sells bottles of wine. So definitely the newsagents.
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
For legal reasons I am unable to answer this question.
Favourite soap?
Pears (sorry).
The missing link:
My other projects include: Amisupposedtohaveotherprojects@ Character?
Eva Dwerger
Have you acted before Hanover Square?
In the less PC days of the early 1980s while a pupil at West Hove Middle
School, I played Mrs Claus - a crochety old crone version of Father Christmas's
wife. All went smoothly on the opening night. Unfortunately the next
night I drifted off in a daze (probably some combination of Wham!
and my grade 2 piano exam) and went totally - and I mean totally -
blank when it came to my first lines. Even the prompting of my fellow
thespians - whose characters included a policeman (not entirely sure why) and
several elves - made no difference. I've had something of a fear of acting
ever since.
Are you anything like your character?
God no! The idea of being desperate for a baby is complete anathema
to me. And although I commuted to London for the best part of three years,
I've been there done that. I'm also more of a Pinotage than Pinot
Grigio kind of girl. I suppose the one main similarity is that I'm married
to the same person that plays my husband in Hanover Square. But 'the
most manipulative woman I've ever met?' Never...
Give us a clue:
What would you like to happen to your character in Series
2?
You know those episodes in Eastenders which feature only two characters?
I'm thinking me, George Clooney, a bottle of that aforementioned Pinotage...
I can almost hear my Oscar acceptance speech.
If you were written out what would be your exit?
It would have to involve Ads having some sort of affair, affording me
all sorts of possibilities as the woman scorned and the opportunity to
flounce off set in appalling fashion.
Which actor would play you in the soap of your life?
Well, I once met a scary Yakuza type in Tokyo who spent the evening
insisting with great gusto that I was Jodie Foster's double. If the star
of such greats as Panic Room and Flightplan happened to be unavailable,
then I suppose I'd have to make do with Joyce Grenfell.
New to the neighbourhood:
Borrow a cup of sugar from?
Anyone except Ken.
Don't answer the door to?
Ads after he's had one too many. Titanic will never be the same again.
Spend a fiver in?
Any chemist that sells pregnancy testing kits.
Two of my favourite things:
Favourite sitcom?
Spaced.
Favourite soap?
Savon de Marseille. Oh...? You didn't mean that kind of soap...?
The missing link:
It's not my site, but I spend far too much time learning an awful lot about photography and related issues at http://theonlinephotographer.blogspot.com/ Name? However, my artistic designs ultimately had a powerful impact on my
family. Therefore I take full credit for my brother writing and starring
as Russ Dwerger in Hanover Square, alongside my mum who plays Vi. It's
almost Von Trapp.
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